its a LOVE or a LUST?

here i am, in my room. hoping that you will text me. i waited for your text every weekends 'cause that's the only time that i'm free, even you. somehow, i know your game, but i still played with it. i know your bad side and how you play with people feeling. i knew everything but i still kept on played with it till my heart ache. i still want to get involve in your love game.

somehow, you used me, fooled me and played me to get what you want. i'm a woman, that need to be love and cherish. i myself not so sure either my feeling towards you is a love or a lust?

every weekends, i spent most of my time at your's. chilling, laughing and giggling. i never knew what love is. all i know is, love from a family and friends. but with you, i was hoping something more than just a friendship. i was hoping for love. but, i already knew. you won't love me. you look at me, as a friend with benefits. you called me when you're bored. invited me when you got no girl to hit on. i know, i just your toy to fulfill your loneliness.

i'm glad. i remembered, you called, texted me just that hoping i will help you. once i got your text, i rushed myself to your place. you had fever, and needed someone to look after you. with an open-hearted, i accepted your invitation and spent the night with you. you said, your body aching, i massaged you. it was a chance for me to touch your body. and i took it delightly. the heat on my hands once it touched your body, it was mesmerizing. and i wanted more! more from you!. i got the chance to feel, touched your chisel muscles. its hard, and i love hard-stoned muscles!.....

you said, i'm a good massager and hope that i can help you everytime like this. i was glad to be your free-of-charged-massager. and that night, i slept at your's and you don't even mind about sharing a bed with a girl.

i still felt embarrassed during our first night together, you invited me to your house for a movie night. i went there, watched it with you and did scolded me when i focused on my novel that i brought with instead of watching the movie with you. i put my novel aside and didn't say a word about it.

that night, it was my first time spending a night with you. i was the one who fell asleep during that movie. i sensed your touch when you covered me with your blanket. it was soothing, feels like you're being care. during that chilly night, i accidently on purpose hugged you during sleep. i have my reason. i was cold besides i need a hugged. but you didn't mind about it. it was one of the memorable night when i got to hug you. you made me fell so warmth and cosy. i slept the whole night hugging you.

after a few days later, you said you were shocked by my sudden movement, hugging you in sleep. i blushed, that's all i could reacted. but you did smiled as if, you were expacting it.

but now, now, it remain as a memory, you're back with your ex, which i didn't like her. she's a bitch but, you insisted on keeping her as your's. what can i do, i'm just so madly in lust with you, i like you, when you hugged me when i need comforted, sad and even cheer me up. stayed all night with me, while i'm trying to finish my worked. your so kind to me. i hope that i could paid you buy loving you instead, i realise that it was full of lust. i just need someone to care about me. i don't need your love. i just hope that, you invited me again to your place. i missed spending time with you although we're not a lover or a friend with benefits. i just need you to be there for me.