its a LOVE or a LUST? part 3

another sunny afternoon, here am i, walking with Daphne. not walking exactly, but we decided to have a quick run to the park since its sunny after a few days of heavy downpour. the sun shine brightly, blue sky can be seen. it's almost a perfect day. i wore my nike singlet with my tight shorts and sneakers. tied my hair and ended up looked like a ponytail, whatever, but i look nice today. LOL,admiring my ownself.

as we walked around the park, we ended up bumping to this huge crowd cheering and watching this game. its a football game. i wonder who's playing and i saw Brian, my Biology lab partner. instead of jogging, we decided to stop and hang out, chilling while watching the football match. here i am, sitting on the grass near the field with Daphne. Brian saw me and gave me a wave. i waved at him, and feelslike someone is watching me. and yet, my intuition is right, i turned to the left and saw you starring at me. we made a short eyes contact before i turned away from your gaze. your gazed sent an electric pulse which cause all my body trembling. and i turn my gaze back and you gave me a smile. so a sweet of you, and return your smile. without noticing, i was blushing. then, i focus back on Brian in his game.

come to think of it, why are you there anyway? then, i remembered you wore an orange jersey with a same coloured short, a high-knee length socks and a football boots. ouh, you're a player a football player. looks like i never knew you very well. just whatever, you're HISTORY.

trying to focus back on the game after drifting my thought about you. i never realise that Brian is good in football. i love watching Brian straight bangs bouncing while his running and damp with his sweats. just a magnificent view. i never realise he such a very good looking guy.

its half-time, and Brian walked to me and fetch his bottle near me. he drank and washed his head with his water. he look so model-like when he did that *jaw dropped*. we chat, talk, giggle and laugh our ass off. it was fun. the second half starting, so, Brian get back in his game. and i saw you, entered the field while your eyes on me. you gave me a bit of a goosebumps. why are you looking at me? are you jealous? hurmmm, fuck it. just let it be.

in minutes 80, you attacked Brian and i saw him rolling and the ground in pain. without realising my act, i ran towards Brian which still on the ground and pulled you, suddenly my hand, landed on your soft cheek. your cheek, its red. i feel so sorry for doing it. suddenly, you grabbed my hand and pulled me towards to you. the most unexpecting happened, you kissed me. i pushed you hard and gave a low blow on your abdomen. your coughing and lying on the ground, tried hardly to breathe. i helped Brian stood up, and carried him to the end of the field. touching Brian's soft skin, wiping your damp face that full of sweats. i was still mad of you, for being evil towards Brian and ME! you kissed me! publicly! why? What are you trying to do? i'm not gonna run in your arms again like what i did last time. it was my mistake for thinking of you as my lovers. it wasn't a true love, its a lust. i only have passion towards our intimacy. not a real life relationship. it was a mistake. with full of anger, i stomped back to you who tried to stand up and gave you a kick right at your side ribs, i heard your screamed! i realise, i'm hurting you. i quickly snapped out of it and looked at you directly. you're closing your eyes, try to ease the pain from my hard blow. i kneeled next to you and rubbed your ribs. i cried, and kept apologizing. i'm wrong for doing that to you. i'm so sorry. Brian hold my shoulder, trying to calm me down. Brian grabbed me tight and hold me in his arm. i cried in his arms. and saw you, being carried by the paramedic into an ambulance. its my fault, i'm the one who make you injured.

its a LOVE or a LUST? part 2

i'm all alone with my friend, Daphne today, we walked to the nearby lake which is a few hundred metres from where we staying. it was sunny and windy. the morning sunlight touches my skin. i feel warmth and comfort. it was a perfect weather.

so, it was Sunday, did i forgot to mention that the lake is a recreational park? i used to go here since high school. it so calm being with the nature. as i walked  down the trail, a unsuspected thing happened to me.

i saw you, there, standing near the lake wearing a swimming shorts with a life jacket on top. you're shirtless underneath that jacket. i can see your rip nicely build muscle on both of your hand. its well tanned and saw your veiny hands. i was about to turned away when Daphne insisted me to just walked down to the lake. i wanted to refuse but she pulled me, dragged me with her.

there am i, standing next to her, confused and clueless. she started greeting you and you looked at us but, directly at me, you made me feel so unease. i was sweating. reluctantly, i just stood there feel so stupid by dragging myself there which might made everything become worst.

my friend, Daphne, started giggling with you, and you offered her a ride on a canoe. she insisted me on joining her, but i was too scared and afraid of getting myself drowned. so, i ws kindly to reject her offer and let her have some fun by her own.

feel so bored once Daphne started paddling her canoe, i felt like abandoned her and free myself from this pain. so, i still am a nice friend, so, i might just wait for her. as soon as Daphne paddling herself in the middle of the lake, i decided to sit near the lake site facing the nice green-coloured lake. it was beautiful.

then, i realise, i was all alone with you. you stood there doing nothing, not even bother to talk to me. so, i think it was good. hope you care less about me. i sat there, pulled out my novel from my clutch and started reading it.

while i was reading the novel, somewhere deep in my imagination, i was drifted to what you did to me last time. i was your friend with benefits. you never think of me as your girlfriend (which i wasn't hope for). it was all fun spending time with you.

back to reality, i paused for a while and took a deep breathe. and continue reading it. i sighed once in a while. i knew, you were checking me out everytime i breathe out those heavy exhaled. then, you slowly ywalked and stand there, next to me. i was hoping you won't say a thing. and i was right, you stood there, speechless.

once in a while, i shoved my head and took a quick glanced towards you. from your face, i knew you trying to do something, find solution or maybe find a topic to start talking to me. i acted like i was so deeply in those novel i read and made you realise that i wasn't pay any attention to you.

once in a while, when the warm breeze blew, i could smell you. you smell cinnamon with pinch of vanilla. you do smell good. but, i know. you won't dare to do anything brave enough. so, i kept on reading my novel but i still hope that you might speak to me. but, you just stand there next to me, acted like i wasn't exist. out of the blue, suddenly you sat next to me, eyes on me. i looked and our eyes contact. i felt electric pulse shooting from you dark green eyes. i blushed and looked away. i saw you smiling from the corner of my eyes.

then, i heard a paddle being put down and looked at Daphne, you accidently felt into the lake while you try to get out of the canoe i was about to rush myself to you when suddenly, a hand pulled me down and saw you running towards Daphne. you pulled her out of the lake. i rushed myself towards Daphne to made sure she's ok. you stood right in front of me, trying to do something, instead of doing something, you did nothing which i was hoping for.

Daphne dried her wet shirt and thank you for tried to rescue her. that the least she could do. Daphne said bye to you and turn around, walked up towards the trail leaving me a bit far behind. i stood up, patted my pants and tried to walked away when suddenly, you said goodbye to me. i looked at you in despise and gave you that "look" which i wasn't mean to show. what done is done. after that, i followed Daphne up the trail and live you there standing, clueless and speechless.

its a LOVE or a LUST?

here i am, in my room. hoping that you will text me. i waited for your text every weekends 'cause that's the only time that i'm free, even you. somehow, i know your game, but i still played with it. i know your bad side and how you play with people feeling. i knew everything but i still kept on played with it till my heart ache. i still want to get involve in your love game.

somehow, you used me, fooled me and played me to get what you want. i'm a woman, that need to be love and cherish. i myself not so sure either my feeling towards you is a love or a lust?

every weekends, i spent most of my time at your's. chilling, laughing and giggling. i never knew what love is. all i know is, love from a family and friends. but with you, i was hoping something more than just a friendship. i was hoping for love. but, i already knew. you won't love me. you look at me, as a friend with benefits. you called me when you're bored. invited me when you got no girl to hit on. i know, i just your toy to fulfill your loneliness.

i'm glad. i remembered, you called, texted me just that hoping i will help you. once i got your text, i rushed myself to your place. you had fever, and needed someone to look after you. with an open-hearted, i accepted your invitation and spent the night with you. you said, your body aching, i massaged you. it was a chance for me to touch your body. and i took it delightly. the heat on my hands once it touched your body, it was mesmerizing. and i wanted more! more from you!. i got the chance to feel, touched your chisel muscles. its hard, and i love hard-stoned muscles!.....

you said, i'm a good massager and hope that i can help you everytime like this. i was glad to be your free-of-charged-massager. and that night, i slept at your's and you don't even mind about sharing a bed with a girl.

i still felt embarrassed during our first night together, you invited me to your house for a movie night. i went there, watched it with you and did scolded me when i focused on my novel that i brought with instead of watching the movie with you. i put my novel aside and didn't say a word about it.

that night, it was my first time spending a night with you. i was the one who fell asleep during that movie. i sensed your touch when you covered me with your blanket. it was soothing, feels like you're being care. during that chilly night, i accidently on purpose hugged you during sleep. i have my reason. i was cold besides i need a hugged. but you didn't mind about it. it was one of the memorable night when i got to hug you. you made me fell so warmth and cosy. i slept the whole night hugging you.

after a few days later, you said you were shocked by my sudden movement, hugging you in sleep. i blushed, that's all i could reacted. but you did smiled as if, you were expacting it.

but now, now, it remain as a memory, you're back with your ex, which i didn't like her. she's a bitch but, you insisted on keeping her as your's. what can i do, i'm just so madly in lust with you, i like you, when you hugged me when i need comforted, sad and even cheer me up. stayed all night with me, while i'm trying to finish my worked. your so kind to me. i hope that i could paid you buy loving you instead, i realise that it was full of lust. i just need someone to care about me. i don't need your love. i just hope that, you invited me again to your place. i missed spending time with you although we're not a lover or a friend with benefits. i just need you to be there for me.

Learn it! not criticised it!

Have you ever been in any situation where everyone is looking at you as if your a freak with a worst fashion statement?


have you ever heard about folded pants fashion?

here are some of the example:

i've been there. it was the most pain-in-the-ass moment when people start looking at you, and made those 'WTF' faces... and guess what GUYS! its ok for a guy to learn a thing or two about fashion. it doesn't make you a gay. just make you look fashionable. that's all. and i know, a friend of mind did said that somehow, we are the unlucky people which are fashionably hated. i don't give a fuck about what you think about me or about my ] fashion. all i know is, i'm happy with what i'm wearing. no one getting hurt by it, and maybe you might learn something or become inspired by it. just maybe? it wouldn't kill ya, will it?

I Sucks Badly

don't get yourself wrong, it wasn't about any porny action. its about leadership.

i sucks in leadership and being a leader. somehow, i had learned like a lot during high school. how to be a great leader and stuff but i wasn't meant to be a leader. so, i was appointed as a leader for this subject. i wasn't expecting myself being a leader but, i took it and accepted it as a challenge.

so, i became a leader of 12 people. the thing is, i have a feeling of sympathy where i sympathise my mate and at last gave them a little task for them to wok on and others is done by me. i don't like seeing people suffer because of me. so, i prefer to burden myself with works rather than seeing them have to finish all those pile of works.

yup, that's how i work actually. but, when that task is something that sucks in, i will really really really rely on my friends. sometimes, i can be like a leech suck all their hard work so that i could get the same credit as them. ok, that's bad actually, and i really need to change that attitude.

enough said, time to rest.

Someone Need to Realise When Enough Is Enough!

well, i guess, i had left my blog unwritten for 2 months. Too many things happened and no time to update my blog...

here we go, we as a friend, need to sometimes give an advice to our friends when they had over someone limits of ANNOYANCE. For me, that's the hardest thing to do. its my nature to hardly advice someone, but i do try to give them some hint. sometimes, become sarcastic. but, some people, they just to good to notice some of our hint. at last, due to long time, keep on keeping those anger and at last, the anger abrupt which somehow, impact or effect the relationship. but they need to know that their act can be over-limit which lead to self correct act which they will think that they right when no one say a thing about what they do. and didn't realize people around them can get annoyed by it and even angry because the way they act which didn't care about people around them. somehow, we as a friend need to stand up, and face this kinda people, it might be harsh, but at least you realize that your actions are wrong and you need to change. and being a group of people which consist of someone that you closed to, doesn't mean when you with them, you guys own the world and don't give a fuck about others. you need to know, somehow, your actions, words, and reactions toward something can change someone judgement upon you and yourself which lead to being isolated by others.

just a friendly advice and self motivated way. that's all